If you been following the journey, you’ll know that a couple of days ago I posted about my siblings and my family relationships.
It seems that some can’t handle the truth or even come close to admitting their part in an issue. I admit, I was angry. I was unheard and there’s really nothing worse than being made to feel like your life doesn’t matter to some of the people closest to you. And they’re not even listening.
So what happens? You trade ugly emails and texts. And ironically, after never hearing from my Sister-In-Law in any form whatsoever throughout her thirty year marriage to my Brother, she seized the opportunity to show me exactly who she is. A jealous woman. Bringing up everything that they’ve actually been for the last decade. People, know this about me. I don’t carry debt. I pay my bills and have never run from a bill since I was twenty. I learned my lesson. My Brother? He walked away from a house and declared bankruptcy.
I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that. If that’s what you have to do, then do it. But never turn around and then say to someone with no debt whatsoever beside real estate, that they’re all about money. She slammed me with a two by four of insults, and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I told her to F off in capital letters. Yes, the dreaded capital letters. Mind you, this was her only communication with me in any form in over a year. I forgot. How old are you? Nearly sixty. Right. I forgot for a minute and thought we were back in third grade.
There was a lot of threats of lawyers on both sides. Total ridiculousness. He couldn’t see my point at all about being at his beckon call until July to see if our relationship would work out. He couldn’t understand how he triggered the six year old in me. Truth is, he didn’t listen and didn’t care. His only worry was how fast could he block me on FB, on email, and threaten me with lawyers.
To drive him slightly nuts, I told him to please bring in lawyers. That I welcomed his litigation. For what, I’m not sure. But it made me laugh.
As I lay here thinking about it, it’s truly a ridiculous situation. When you only email or text, there’s always going to be communication issues. A metaphor for our relationship.
(see video below in link)
I haven’t seen him or his family in over a year. So what am I really missing? I’m missing the toxicity of chaos. Today was the first day I smiled about my life in a long time. I owned what I said. Because I knew what my truth was. He said I’d live my life absent of his family and he threw in God, and all the stuff that goes with that. Karma, you know burning fires, etc. I felt like Moses was about to come and beat the shit out of me. Truth is, emotionally, they been beating the shit out of me for years.
Now that we’ve drawn the line, it actually feels like a release. Who knew? No more pretending that I like him or his snarky Wife. A woman who was foaming at the mouth to get my dead Mother’s jewelry. She ended up with more of it than me. Funny.
I’m not saying I didn’t participate in the back and forth of the battle. But when you’ve been beaten in so many ways since you’ve been a child, I couldn’t take it one more minute. Emotionally, I was drained.
So that blog post I wrote the other day didn’t go down well. But it freed me from a life of toxic, hurtful moments.
I was reminded by many friends that families can be chosen ones as well as blood ones. That I could leave behind the pain and embrace the love my friends had for me. I received more beautiful notes than I had in a really long time. Lots of people have family issues. And lots of people just want to be loved. Sometimes that love comes from your support system of people you’ve had who know the real you. I know that going to concerts is joyful. It’s not a bad thing to be thrown in someone’s face. That loving a sport like hockey isn’t a bad thing. Not if it brings you happiness. Even when your team is sucking. Or that having the car of your dreams isn’t a bad thing. It’s an accomplishment. One that when I got sick, I gave up to save money. Just in case we had another bad rainy day. By the way, all these things were paid off with no debt.
Which brings me back to the back and forth that got so ugly. You don’t yell in writing like that unless there’s a bottom line underneath of love just because we’re siblings. A shared experience that only siblings go through. There’s an obvious amount of jealousy. That I can’t help them with. I never begrudged my Brother his cars or guitar collection. I never threw anything I had or didn’t have in anyone’s face. Funny thing, when I went to hockey games, I usually went by myself that last year. There was the one time I took my Brother to a game, and of course, it was on my dime. My Nephew will never talk about when I took him to a football game for six hundred dollars per ticket.
You see, the “things” I had, I always shared with others. Because what I value in life is experiences. And sharing them with others.
Now, I’ll never be able to share with his family again. But I ask, they’ve been absent, as he said, for over a year, so what am I missing?
Update: two out of three blood Brothers are talking to me. The oldest one? Probably never.