Pleasing Isn’t Always A Pleasure

I’m a people pleaser. There I said it. It’s out there in the universe. I cringe when I think someone doesn’t like me. I always have. Funny thing is, I don’t even know the reason. I could guess at a few. But at my age, does it matter?

It’s a habit I need to let go of. So what if everyone doesn’t like you? Is that the reason I’ll die on the day when death is at my door? I hardly think so. But it may very well bring on the stress that makes situations worse than they are.

I do believe that being a people pleaser brings me to my knees at times. My choices in life should never be based on whether someone likes me or not. But sometimes they are. And on this day, I’m choosing to do something about it.

First thing on the list, is realizing this IS a choice. Most people do care in some way whether they’re liked or not. Otherwise, why would we ask how we look or seek out the answers to the infamous questions? Do I look fat in this? How’s my hair? And so on.

To truly give up what others think of you, means to risk being criticized, talked about and to not give a fuck. Well today is the day of the beginning of my Zero Fuck stage in my life.

If you’re my friend, then you’re my friend. It’s not based on superficial reasons. It’s because we’ve done the work to learn about each other. To care about each other. You’re not going to stop being my friend because I make a choice that doesn’t affect you. If it does, I’ll talk to you about it. I’m talking about things like where do I go on vacation or what charity to support. Not about whether you should have children or not. There’s superficial and then there’s real.

I want to begin to live my life in my lane and my way. Without wondering if there’ll be backlash because I choose to do one thing over another. It’s my life. Why should others have a voice in it? As a cancer patient I have enough people telling me what to do and when to do it. If we’re to truly believe in the right to pursue happiness, why is my happiness always on the back burner?

I’m a damn people pleaser. That’s why.

Life is short. People pleasing is tiring. I may have less friends because of it, but they weren’t really friends in the first place if they want that type of control. Life is even shorter than you think. I’m gonna go do me now.

I’m still going to be of service. That doesn’t change. It’s just where and with whom being of service is. It’s my choice. Time is the only true commodity we as people own that we give to others. I’ve forgotten that in that equation is time for me.

People pleasers don’t usually take time for themselves. My clock has two hands. One for you and one for me. It’s time to start using mine. Before it’s too late.


Author: Mindy Verson

Spouse. Cancer Thriver. Humanitarian.

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